


Peace Through SaaS

by AlterImpulse



Category: Original Work
Genre: Battle, Computers, Gen, Giant Robots, Humor, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Mecha, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Original Fiction, Original Story - Freeform, Original Universe, Peace, Snark, Software, Technology, War, computing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14794428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlterImpulse/pseuds/AlterImpulse
Summary: A short originalish story inspired by my love for mecha in general (specifically Gundam Wing, Evangelion, Big O, and Xenogears) and by Microsoft, Adobe, many, many, many others, and how our current technological dystopia might prevent a far worse one, if Software As A Service and constant updating are indeed the future. Also, many thanks to the Fantasy Name Generator for helping inspire my character and place and mech names etc.





	Peace Through SaaS

His military’s Mechanized Division had finally promoted him, one of the few brave young men to be chosen to operate the “head of the spear,” so to speak - one of the giant mecha that would open any act of war, and it would be his first time truly leading an invasion in the cockpit of Grand Decimator. 

Three hours, and he would be onfield, showing off every power of the giant machine that surrounded him, with very little need for the rest of the military - after all, these machines made it where one barely eighteen year old had the equivalent of an entire infantry division, all at his fingertips, and unless this country that had assassinated his country’s ambassador had anything like Grand Decimator, they would regret ever having touched the proud nation of Eclia.

“Downloading required updates…” the screen read before him. Fine, he could deal with that. Eclia’s military had outsourced the Mechanized Division to Microcosmic, which managed the main operating system for the five Offensive Command Units, of which Grand Decimator was one.

Two hours, the clock read, as he finally restarted Grand Decimator. Everything seemed to be good, though his control panel seemed to have been reset and rearranged from his specific settings, hotkeys, and, he soon realized, everything else, and a very helpful (but not) Virtual Battle Assistant to offer tutorials he had learned five years before on his field screens. He spent the next ten minutes turning them off, so he could actually see what he was attacking.

“That was annoying, when I could have been actually testing out everything,” he thought, looking over his suite of programs. Of course, every system on Grand Decimator had to do its own updates, so he sat there for one more hour. His sabers needed to download the update from Integrated Saber Systems, his multiguns from Killcorp Networks, the Not A Nuclear Weapon, Really from Aprico NonAtomic, his camera eyes to the outside world from Aura Navigations, and on and on it went.

One hour, the clock read, and the updates were all finally individually installed. Now, he could finally test out everything one last time before he went into battle. “Engage multigun, and fire,” he yelled into the voice command system.

“I’m sorry, I did not understand your request,” the system said. “If you wish to use Not A Nuclear Weapon, Really, please repeat your request.”

“Fine! If that’s what you want! Not A Nuclear Weapon, Really!,” he snapped, four more times with the request repeated. Enough. Finally, four more repeated requests to turn off voice command switched him to key mode.

_ Finally, _ he thought, as he opened Multigun 6.0. The interface for his multiguns appeared on screen, and he moved to test fire them. Only one fired. He tried again. Only one fired. Finally, the screen popped up a warning. “Multigun 6.0 needs fully loaded bullets.”

He slammed his arm on the panel in frustration. “General! My multigun is down again, and I know I have ammo loaded-”

“I can do nothing about that, Cedron. You will need to contact Killcorp and see what our issue is. Remember, ETA of invasion is forty-five minutes.”

“Yes.” He ended the call to the Mechanized Division’s General, and opened his comm panel to social media contacts for Killcorp Networks.

@KILLEMALLKILLCORP HEY MY MULTIGUN IS DOWN AGAIN AND I WANT A WAR HERE

He nervously waited, five more minutes.

@Hotshot01Cedron Hi there, we’re so sorry to hear this happened. Which version and OS are you using? Let us know so we can help!

_ Really? _

@KILLEMALLKILLCORP Killcorp Multigun 6.0 on Microcosmic Deathscythe 2.0, running on Grand Decimator hardware. Please fix, I have 30 minutes to go time.

@Hotshot01Cedron Are you getting an error message? Please provide more details so we can assist you. Thanks!

@KILLEMALLKILLCORP Multigun 6.0 needs fully loaded bullets. Attached screen capture of ammunition counter listing as fully loaded. This message is itself the problem.

@Hotshot01Cedron We're looping in an expert who can help you out here with your Multigun problem. They will reply as soon as they're available. Please review us on our service!

Twenty minutes to the start of the invasion, and he sat there, in the useless Grand Decimator. His attempts to test the sabers were blocked due to the multiguns being out, and the now not shutting down multigun interface meant he did not have the resources to use Not A Nuclear Weapon, Really. “I cannot believe this.”

A new message pinged on his screen.

@Hotshot01Cedron Hi there, several users have reported the same issue and we are working on priority to fix this issue. In the meantime, please try upgrading your physical Multigun hardware or editing the software directory for Multigun 6.0 to ammo_message_override.

@KILLEMALLKILLCORP HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT IN 10 MINUTES

@Hotshot01Cedron Thank you for your patience. If it would not take too much time, could you rate and review our service on behalf of Killcorp Networks today? Thankies!

He keyed in the general again. “I must retreat,” he said. “Can we please find a different vendor for our multiguns? This is the fifth time this year.”

“Unfortunately, Killcorp Networks is the only provider of software as a service for multiguns.” The general’s voice seemed equally annoyed. “Looks like Gruas got away with it again.”

“I have an idea,” the young mecha pilot dejectedly said, seeing his dreams of battle glory end as Grand Decimator was hauled back to the hangar. “Can we develop assassins-as-a-service and have Gruas hire them?”

“That may actually be your best idea yet, young man.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including
> 
>   * Short comments 
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> [LLF Comment Builder](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/post/170952243543/now-presenting-the-llf-comment-builder-beta)
> 
> This author replies to comments, unless you do not wish for me to reply to you (for any reason!) - in which case, just sign your comment "whisper," and I will accept it and be grateful for it, but not reply to you or engage with you in return.


End file.
